You know those times you just can't describe?

One of my old blogs that I decided to finally upload. I'll try to update this more, but I do tend to update www.rswen.tumblr.com wayyyy more. So check that out if you would like!

 

"That is how I feel right now, I’m home..and I can’t describe what it feels like.

I have so many emotions, it keeps hitting me over and over again that I’m only here for a short time until I leave again…this time for twice as long.

I have rarely struggled with being homesick, and this summer was the worst. Maybe it was because I was staying with my mom’s mom, and she reminded me of home sometimes, or maybe it was because my family and I had created such a strong bond after I got back from Africa in March.

Whatever the case was, I missed my family. Being home, I still find myself missing them, almost like I’m doing the dirty work while at home. So I won’t have to feel it so bad when I actually get up and leave.

Times are changing, and there is no better scripture than Ecclesiastics 3. I get to experience my time to mourn, my time to move, my time to grow, my time to change. Its been happening since March, but it feels like a lot is happening now. In my heart I feel a deep sadness to be leaving my family, deeper than I’ve felt before. The feeling of moving out is hitting me, and hitting me hard. The realization that I’ll be halfway across the world for 2 years, keeps slapping me. The joy of this new experience, it keeps me going. Knowing that my life is going in a direction that God has placed in my life helps me stay determined. The verse in Luke 9:23, the one that tells me that daily I must pick up my cross and follow him is my motivation.

What keeps you ticking? What keeps you motivated? What are you striving for? How are your challenges strengthening you? Are you drowning in pity, or striving for His glory? Think about it…

Confirmation

Confirmation

I went to a Sunday Night service at The Sallisaw Assembly Of God church.
It was my first time, there was a guest speaker.
He spoke to me during his service,

“Young girl, with the blonde hair. Africa is going to be your springboard. You will be in South Africa and from there be able to go and influence your generation. I see you working with people and freeing them from bondange, slavery. I see you working with young girls especially. Going into places and freeing them, you will bring them hope and help them get out of the dark places.”

UH THIS GUY HAS NEVER MET ME BEFORE. IS THAT NOT SO SWEET. HE SAID (well God confirmed) THE EXACT MISSION I HAVE BEEN SPEAKING ABOUT HERE IN OK. UHHHH SO SWEET.

Psalms 16

¹Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. ²I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord;

    (I have no good apart from you).”  ³As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,   in whom is all my delight.

 ⁴The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;

   their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out

   or take their names on my lips.

 ⁵The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;

   you hold my lot.⁶ The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;   indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

 ⁷I bless the LORD who gives me counsel;

   in the night also my heart instructs me.

⁸ I have set the LORD always before me;

   because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

 ⁹Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;

   my flesh also dwells secure.

¹⁰For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,

    or let your holy one see corruption.

 ¹¹You make known to me the path of life;

   in your presence there is fullness of joy;   at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Beautiful isn't it? hmm I have been in California for almost a week now, and my time is coming to a close pretty soon. So far I've managed to get the worst sunburn I've ever had, become a gimp, piss my mom off, and read some of God's word. This vacation has been pretty eye opening and filled with challenges.

So picture this, reading on the beach for two hours. Sounds like heaven right? haha it could have been except for the fact that i put sunscreen only on my face, and I only read my book. So the two hours FLEW by and by the time we got in the car and back to the hotel I realized I had made a huge mistake. My whole backside is... lets just say I look like bologna, for the past two days i could not bend my legs the burn brought me to tears a couple times. I just kept saying, It's my fault, its my cross to bear. I have tried so hard not to complain and to just go along with whatever. There are moments when I just want to scream but they last for only minutes and I realize again how lucky I am.  I have so much compassion now for people who have chronic pain, who can't walk, who just are not healthy i guess you would say. I have learned some valuable lessons, SUNSCREEN=BEST FRIEND, your life could ALWAYS be worse, and be thankful for what you have today. 

Today we spent the day at Yosemite National park...look it up, see the pictures. They don't do it any justice, but ahhh its breathtaking. Put it on your bucket list of things to go see. Take a tent and just be in God's creation.  

The reason I put the Psalms in at the beginning is because throughout this vacation God's beauty, and strength has been so evident anywhere we go.  He is my source of strength, and I can do NOTHING without giving him my all. ahh is that not just a sweet concept, I love it. hmmm this week has been one humbling situation after another, what a better way to prepare before heading to Oklahoma. 

I have no title

Friday I head to California. I'm excited, our whole family will be together.


When I come back, I will NOT be working, I will be preparing for my busy summer of speaking, and working in Oklahoma, home of the tornadoes and crazy hot weather.
Oklahoma better watch out, because I'm about to ask everyone I see for money.
You know I've thought about having a second day job just being a beggar. What do you think? hahahaa
no, I wont do that, but thats kind of what I feel like going around to all the churches and presenting myself. I hope they find me ...worthy..enough of their hard earned cash! hmmm life, you know its such a blessing.

Prayer requests:
I let Jesus speak, I dont want to be the speaker, I'm going out to do Gods work, NOT MINE.
Pray for fruitful labor.
Pray for a sound mind, power, and love, as well as maturity and discernment.

I LOVE YOU ALL.
(If you want to support me, you can send money to
Redeemer
61 Mississippi Way,
Fridley, MN, 55432
USA

Dont put my name ANYWHERE on the check, just attach a note with my name on it. Make sure you also write your email address if you want to continue getting updates on everythingg.)

Tumblr

my tumblr site

This is something I have recently found, and I update it a lot more. If you want to find out my daily interests, random thoughts or whatever you can follow me on Tumblr. Its the best thing I've found:)

Mistakes

This whole humbling theme seems to be continuing.
Had a mini break down during deliveries today, I ended up switching around two orders so each person got the other persons food. It stressed me out. I was runnning…well driving like a mad person, but I think thoughts in my head were driving crazyer.


“rachel what were you thinking”

“Rachel you are SO stupid”

“Rachel how could you let this happen.”

“oh my gosh everyone is going to be sooo mad.”

“I’ll just tell my boss i’ll buy the boxes of sandwiches.”

“i hope I dont get fired.”

“Woah A COP, better slow down”

“GAHHH WHY? HOW? I EVEN CHECKED THE BOXES WHEN I GAVE THEM.”

“How could I let that happen?”


As I drove back to the Potbelly store from the 2nd try at getting the food right, I had a revelation. I was praying for my friend and then all of a sudden I broke down in tears and it was like He said, “beloved, YOU are the one who needs me right now, YOU are the one who can’t admit she is not ok.” Then that verse came to my head, Come to me all who are weary and HEAVY LADEN, and I w i l l give you rest.

Through making this one mistake on a delivery I realized how hard it is for me to make mistakes. Then I started thinking deeper and wondered, “why is it so hard for me to admit I did something wrong.” Its because I carry pride, I put this wall up that says, EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL, I’M PEACHY KEEN (ha sorry one of my co workers always says that.) but in reality I’m not the greatest.  So in that car ride I thanked God for giving me another reminder to get off my stool, and come back down to the bottom. He reminded me that its OK to get help, or to even ask for help.

God I pray that you continue to soften my heart, continue to break down the walls I have built up and let me accept when help comes my way. I want to find all my satisfaction in you and you alone. Come and give me rest.

On my way

Just bought my ticket to Oklahoma.

I’m kind of in a daze right now, my life is about to really take off.

Your probably wondering why I’m going to Ok, I’m going to live with my grandparents to work with them and travel around OK and AR speaking at churches being an advocate for the things happening in South Africa, to encourage and to raise support for the next mission in my life.

This all starts in June…

I talked to my grandma today, and it brought me to tears. The way people can be so giving without knowing anything else then a newsletter about me. She said there are two women representing me, and what God is doing through me, they travel to different churches and ask for support…FOR ME.

Sometimes I think we forget how much God really does care. Jeremiah 1:9, for I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and not for despair.

Why is that so hard to grasp sometimes? Why is it so easy for us to jump to the classic line, “no, I got it, I can handle it.” WE CAN’T! hahaha only God can take on the problems we face, and he does it willingly.. Only God can provide in the unthinkable. We can’t, most times we don’t even know what is best for us. We just think we do.

humility, humility, humility. Thanks God for reminding me that its ok to be the least, its ok to accept help, its necessary.